I have been coaching in various different ways in my life since 2008. Over that time I have learned a lot about what it means to hold space for another individual and just allow them to be with whatever is present for them without trying to change it, or fix it, or make whatever they are going through go away. This is often the most powerful thing we can do for our clients is to support them in just being with what is with compassion and empathy.

Within a session some of my top favorite words and concepts to explore are: Curiosity, Awareness, and Opportunity.

Curiosity. All of us so often have so many thoughts bouncing around in our head. By the time we are adults, we have set ideas and beliefs around how the world works, how we relate to others, how we relate to ourselves, what we believe in how we are "supposed" to look or weigh or say. When we invite in curiosity into the moment we get to take a pause and explore if the beliefs that supported us at one time in our life still resonate with who we are today. And we also get to explore when these thoughts or beliefs arise who is talking in that moment. Sometimes a younger part of ourselves or our inner child is showing up in the present and with curiosity we get to learn from their presence and explore what do they need to hear from our adult selves to feel seen, held, and supported the way they perhaps needed to be when we were younger.

Awareness. We cannot change what we are not aware of. Whatever we or our clients are going through we can foster awareness and compassion and understanding that any experience or situation or symptom that is showing up is exactly where we are meant to be. With that awareness we then get to own our emotions, we get to own our reactions, and we can take away judgment or shame or guilt and just be with what is without making what we or our clients are going through as good or bad. It is like with food, there is no good or bad food, but throughout our life we learn what feels best in our unique body and what supports us in thriving. Sometimes though we have to eat things that don't feel best in our body and we have to feel depressed and sad and mad and frustrated to even know what vitality, happiness, joy, excitement is. When we foster awareness of our beliefs, our reactions, our emotions we create opportunity to explore and discover the wisdom of where we are at which can already facilitate subtle internal change to occur simply by having awareness and understanding of ourselves. Which brings me to...

Opportunity. Everything our clients are experiencing is an opportunity to cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves and the body they live in. No matter what hardships, what dark depths of their soul they are traveling through, everything we experience in our life time is an opportunity to discover where our life is calling for us to grow and evolve. Just as a caterpillar goes into the darkness of its cocoon for a period of time and literally turns into mush and transforms into a butterfly, we can trust that whatever our clients are going through is giving them the opportunity to birth a new expression of themselves into the world.

So no matter what our clients bring into a session we can let them know that this awareness of what they are going through is wonderful giving you and your client the opportunity to explore their inner world with curiosity to foster awareness of where their life is calling for them to heal on deeper and deeper levels.

What I learned in my 20s Lesson 4: Intuition Is Not Intuition Until You Check It Out

Growing up I believed intuition was this mystical thing that just hit you with insight out of no where. I have learned along the way in my 20s that intuition is really just another word for being mindful and truly present in the moment with what is. In Graduate School when my Family and Therapy Teacher spoke the above words, Intuition Is Not Intuition Until You Check It Out, my perception of intuition has changed forever.

When we feel called to respond to a situation in a certain way we can slow down and tune in to our body and explore the emotions that might be arising for us. We can often be responding in the present from how we used to respond in the past. Or we can be reacting out of fear to a situation that feels similar to a moment we have been through and scared of the same results happening.

Let's say you just entered into a new relationship and you are feeling anxiety or fear that this isn't the "right" relationship for you. In these moments, we can explore how does this situation remind us of our past and are we thinking these thoughts to avoid feeling the fear of the unknown and showing up with another human being vulnerably.

Every single reaction we have can offer us information for how we are processing our life. We are all powerful mirrors and teachers for one another. In any moment we can ask what is this moment or this person here to teach me? How is this person being a strong mirror for me right now in what I am perhaps still working on within myself? What can I learn about myself in this moment and what patterns or reactions do I want to engage in that might actually not serve me or feel respectful to another individual?

So the next time you hear someone say, "just listen to your intuition," get curious around what you want that to mean to you. How do you want to define intuition for yourself?

What I learned in my 20s Lesson 3: Sensitivity Is A Super Power

I grew up hearing often, "Stephanie don't be soooooo sensitiveeee!" In hearing these external messages my young brain was shaped and made to believe that sensitivity was a weakness, it was something I needed to hide, and that I had to show up strong no matter what. It took me until I was around 25 years old to have those beliefs challenged and that actually my sensitivity to just about everything is my super power and where my strength and gifts reside.

While in internship for my Masters Degree in Body Psychotherapy I had my supervisor once ask me, "What if all the emotions you are feeling in your session is something your client might also be feeling too?" Considering this was like a light bulb went off in my head. I could actually use my emotions and sensations in my body as information for what those around me might also be feeling and processing themselves to connect with them on a deeper level and I don't have to view my sensitivity to my surroundings as "bad" or something I need to push away.

I have always had a sensitive digestive tract and I have always felt my emotions quite intensely. These two things are related and inter-connected. When we feel things deeply but do not allow ourselves the space and time to allow our emotions to be felt all those emotions can get trapped in our digestive tract waiting to be processed and assimilated. Body Psychotherapist, Gerda Boyesen, came up with the term psycho-peristalsis which basically describes the digestion of life experiences. Wounds, trauma, past struggles can all get trapped in our digestive tract waiting to be processed and assimilated into our being. A lot of the work I needed to do in the healing of my gut was giving myself that space and time to process and release old wounds and old beliefs from my body that was no longer serving me in my life.

Now whenever I find myself with an upset stomach I can slow down, rub my belly, and explore what emotions are trying to bubble up from inside that just need to be felt and heard and appreciated for their presence. Our sensitivity in this way can be viewed as the greatest gift to show us how we are processing our external environment and guide us in how we can show up more honestly within ourselves and with others. Have you ever felt anxious while around a dear friend? Have you ever had a feeling someone was going to call and then they did? Have you ever cried and had no idea why you were crying but you just knew you needed to cry?

This is all sensitivity to your surroundings running through you.

If you have ever considered your sensitivity a "negative" thing I invite you to adopt a new view. Put on your sensitivity super hero cape and explore what perhaps your sensitivity is trying to teach you and how it is even guiding you in deeply connecting with yourself and others. We can use our sensitivity as the greatest gift to support ourselves and others in truly being seen and that we empathize and relate on a very deep level of how painful and intensely joyful this human experience can be.

What I learned in my 20s Lesson 2: Body Image is a State Of Mind

I have gained and lost 20-30 pounds at least 3 times in my life. The changes my body went through each time really had nothing to do with the food, it had nothing to do with my body, and the changes were more a reflection of how I was trying to process events in my life. When I felt good about my body this was more because of how I was processing my life and when I felt negative about my body this was also again how I was honoring and paying attention to my feelings.

Have you ever had the experience where you looked in the mirror in the morning and thought, "Damn I look great today!" and then as the day moved on and perhaps you got some bad news or you had a lot of work and a lot of stress arose and suddenly you looked in the mirror again and thought, "Ugh I wish I weighed 5 pounds less." Our body is actually exactly the same. It hasn't changed but what has changed is our connection and compassion toward ourselves and perhaps the heaviness we are feeling is not necessarily because of our body but because of how we are mentally processing external events.

I am guilty of having said in the past, "I feel so fat today." In my process of honoring and embracing my emotions and how deeply I feel things (which will come in another post) I realized that fat is not a feeling. Fat is something that is in our body that we need to be alive. Fat is something we eat. Fat is not a feeling. So when we hear these internal thoughts of I feel fat we get to take a pause, breath, and start to get curious around how we are actually feeling in the moment.

Perhaps we are feeling tired, mentally heavy, sad, frustrated, angry. In just the process of naming how we are feeling in the moment by stating out loud I feel fear, I feel tired, I feel stressed we embrace our human experience exactly the way that it is and we don't have to make our body the battle ground of fighting our emotions. We can separate how we are processing our life from our body image and that no matter what is happening day to day we are still wonderful and beautiful just as we are. When we create more internal space to foster compassion and kindness and self love toward our body then no matter what emotions arise or how we are processing our life we can still take care of our body and discover how we can even increase our level of self care in the moment.

I no longer reach for food when I feel stressed or anxious or sad or depressed. This is a process that took me throughout my 20s to re-learn how to honor my physical and emotional hungers. Give yourself so much compassion on this path. Every moment is a new moment where we get to begin again and to catch our internal thoughts and ask ourselves is this the most loving and nourishing this I could say to myself right now? If the answer is no then the power and choice is within you to re-shape those thoughts to ones that feel more loving to you just the way you are and that you are always doing the best you can to take care of you.

The beginning of March marks the month that I will turn 30. In an attempt to honor this decade (and to commit myself to writing regularly again) I am planning to write a series of posts of the lessons I learned in my 20's to close out this decade and celebrate a new journey into the next decade of my life.

Lesson #1: Your Parents Did The Best They Could

My parents separated when I was 13 years old and eventually divorced. It first took me years to acknowledge and cultivate awareness of how that circumstance affected me and shaped how I related to myself and others. Once I finally faced the immense sadness I felt inside it took me half of my 20s to process how what I needed as child from a parent was perhaps not what I received.

Our parents are always doing the best they could with what was set as an example to them from their parents in how to be a parent and the wounds and struggles they are sometimes processing throughout their entire life. When we fight internally who our parents are this ultimately causes strife and struggle within us. It took a lot of grieving on my own to grieve for what my parents were not, for the family dynamic I would never have, and to appreciate who my parents just naturally are and acknowledge all the ways that they did show up for me in their own unique way.  As adults at some point, when we are ready, we have to take responsibility to heal our internal wounds. Finger pointing ultimately does not solve anything but pushes us further away from ourselves and owning our perspective in how we processed our past.

The wonderful thing about being an adult is that we get to meet our inner child the ways we always wished we were met when we were younger. We all have an inner child inside of us. I have a picture of me roller skating when I was about 5 years old on my fridge to stay connected to her. Sometimes she is still sad and sometimes she needs my attention. In this journey in fostering a deeper connection with ourselves, we get to tell our inner child all the things they needed to hear when you were younger. So you can tell them how wonderful and amazing they are just as they are and imagine giving them a big hug and taking time to hear what they have to say so that they can feel heard, and seen, and acknowledged.

Our first form of love often came from nourishment from a parent so for the rest of life food can be connected to am I loved, am I seen, am I supported, am I heard? When our relationship perhaps does not feel nourishing with our parents or when we are not feeling those emotions and sensations in our life it is completely natural for food to then come into that space. It is when we cultivate awareness of our emotions around how we were seen and held as a child and just allow our emotions to be there without trying to change them or make them go away that our relationship with food can find a very different place in our life as we nourish and satiate ourselves emotionally.

If you have wounds around your parents, I offer this suggestion to allow yourself to feel your wounds, feel the pain, feel the sadness, feel the anger. It was in feeling these emotions and no longer pushing them down that I felt more and more connected to myself again. When we push down our emotions we disconnect ourselves from our aliveness and from accepting and embracing our human experience as is. I know it can feel intense but just like a wave does not keep getting bigger and bigger the more we feel our emotions the waves eventually crest and calm down into gentle waters once again. I want you to know I have been through that process and am completely here for you.

I'm sure you're seeing a lot of articles right now on how to eat less during the holiday season, what to fill your plate with to keep the pounds off, how to stay away from certain foods this Thanksgiving. I'm here to offer a very different piece of advice. Eat! Eat with pleasure! Eat everything and anything you want. Eat that pie. Eat the cake. Eat all the foods you have maybe been waiting to eat for an entire year.

When we restrict our food or tell ourselves that we can's have that piece of food that we want so badly we trigger a stress response in our body. Eating in a stress response shuts down our digestion and makes it more difficult for our body to assimilate and digest the food we are trying to eat. So you could be eating the healthiest foods on the planet this holiday season but if you are eating it in a stress response because what you really want is the gravy or the mashed potatoes or that piece of pumpkin pie then you actually won't be nourishing your body in the most optimal way which is probably your intention to begin with.

Now I'm sure some thoughts can perhaps arise of, "But if I eat that food I'm never ever going to stop eating!" When you hear these thoughts, I want you to slow down, close your eyes, and take three deep breaths, and invite in trust. Trust your body. Trust yourself that when you tune in to your body and what it is truly wanting to be fed that your desire for the food will diminish. A tidal wave does not keep getting bigger and bigger. Eventually all waves die down. So you can eat that piece of pie and then notice. Notice how it feels in your body. Notice the desire to eat another piece of pie and explore what would eating another piece give you? Explore the voice that wants more and more and see what it has to say, what does it have to teach you, if it had an age how old would that voice be? The more we deeply listen, the more those internal voices can soften because we are allowing them the space to be heard and acknowledged and seen and we get to embrace our human experience exactly the way that it is. You can invite all your emotions to the table. Invite in the fear, the excitement, the anxiety, and give them all a big hug for a being a grand messenger to remind you to be gentle with yourself.

Every eating experience we have is just an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. So instead of bringing in even more control over this holiday season, allow yourself to relax into the moment, and put whatever foods you want to eat on your plate. Fully enjoy them. Notice the tastes, the textures, notice what you love about that food, be fed by your surroundings and being around people you love or even just appreciate your own presence in the moment. When we eat in this way we bring our body into a relaxation response where the body can function optimally and digest any kind of food that you choose to nourish your body with.

I'm wishing you a holiday season filled with self compassion, acceptance, and kindness toward yourself no matter what you eat. I hope your plate is filled with pleasure, joy, and love!

In my studies, I heard one of my teachers say, "Intuition is not intuition until you check it out." This profoundly stuck with me. We hear a lot of sayings around trust your gut intuition but what exactly does that mean? Ultimately, we can misinterpret intuition for fear. If we enter into a situation that reminds us of a previous situation we have been in from the past and it reminds us of a negative outcome we may say we felt intuition that the situation wasn't safe to be in or that relationship wasn't the "right" relationship when really we were feeling fear for the same previous outcome to occur.

So how can we tell the difference between fear and intuition?

1. Have you experienced a situation like this before? If you are feeling intense emotions arise in a moment, you can slow down and check in and explore if the situation you are in reminds you of some occurrence from your past. You can then explore what happened in that situation and discover how your current situation is different so that you can step out of fear and simply name all the ways that you are different or the current situation has different nuances. This way you can become embodied again and self soothe to feel yourself grounded in the present.

2. Ask questions to the person/people around you. If you think you are intuiting something check it out! It never hurts to ask others questions so that you can get clear on if you are projecting your past or feelings or stories onto another person. If while you are asking questions and the person in front of you is resonating with everything you are asking then you might be on to something. If the person is confused or does not agree with the ideas you are presenting then that is just an opportunity to explore within yourself how some emotions might be triggered within you and has nothing to do with that person or the present moment.

3. Lastly, it can also be both! We are emotional human beings and we are all strong mirrors and teachers for each other. We can use our past as inspiration to connect with others on a deep level in the present. We can offer our insights to those around us in what we have learned on our journey and also honor that what has worked for us may not work for someone else. If fear is arising for us we can name that we are feeling fear and just by embracing our human experience exactly the way that it is in the moment can soften any intense emotions we might be feeling to allow space for intuition to make its way through and also hear where our fear is calling us to grow or calling us to support those around us. Fear (or any emotion) we feel in a moment can inform us on how those around us may also be feeling so we can also cultivate so much compassion that our feelings are ours and also are a part of greater collective around us.

If I could leave you with one take away from this post it would be question everything. Question your thoughts. Question your actions. Question the words that come out of your mouth or the definitions you have created or been taught. Question what intuition is and even question fear. It can be incredibly liberating that you get to create your own reality and that reality can also change depending upon what your perspective is on any day.

"I don't have time to stop and eat."
"I just pop something in the microwave and off I go, but this never feels satisfying."
"I drink coffee in the morning and then I don't eat all day and then I am ravenous at night."

Sound familiar at all? These are the major things I hear from my very busy clients. We have come to believe that healthy meals are a luxury that we don't have the time or money to afford. But, if you're someone like me who loves working and doing something at all hours of the day, then you have to put your own self care first so that you have the energy and stamina to do all of those awesome things you want to do in the world. So here are 2 major tricks and tips to begin to plan ahead to get optimal nourishment all day long.

1. Scope out your area for healthy take out. Yes, I am all about cooking your own food, but I also understand that simply just isn't possible for everyone. Luckily, there are healthy restaurants and easy ways to take out food popping up everywhere. If you have a Whole Foods near you, perhaps you can stop by before work and make yourself a loaded salad with great fats and protein and get a smoothie to go. Look around at the restaurants around you and find some meals that would be something you would/could make at home. This way going out to eat doesn't become a treat that you have to splurge every time you do it, but it transforms into a game of finding the best nutrient dense meals that you can feed your body. Even going to Chipotle and getting a bowl or salad made can provide you with quality energy fast and a nutrient dense meal over grabbing a bar or going to a drive through.

2. Plan ahead. Now if you do love to cook like me and you want to wake up a little earlier or make a day out of cooking, planning ahead for the week can help tremendously. If you have a day where you don't have to rush out the door, take that time to make yourself a scrumptious breakfast and pack a lunch to go with you. This way you know you have a wonderful meal for yourself later and you will be keeping your blood sugar levels stable throughout the day which is key to helping you feel grounded and mentally clear. Or if you don't have much time during the week, take a Sunday and make meals for the week. You can either freeze these meals and re-heat them later or make a huge batch of quinoa or chicken breasts that you can quickly add on to any meal or become a simple snack.

*Planning ahead can also possibly facilitate some thinking of all the ways you can put yourself and your self care first in other areas of your life so that you can fully show up embodied and present in each moment.

Making sure that you get in nourishment in a rhythmic way throughout your day you will be setting yourself up for success! I would love to hear from you! Do you eat on the go? What ways have you discovered to get quality meals into your day throughout the week?

I know it has been awhile since I last wrote something. Let's just say I have been traveling in the depths of my own soul as I entered my last year in my 20's. It took me awhile to be able to first acknowledge that a lot of emotions and questions were coming up for me. Instead of honoring and embracing where I was at, I was pushing it all away. And of course in me pushing it all away, everything that wanted to arise to be explored pushed right back. And so this push pull went on for awhile until of course the emotions won (as they always do) and I began to explore and question how do I want to spend my precious time here on Earth and what am I looking forward to going into my 30's. My body began to relax into the uncertainty of it all.

Whenever we push away our feelings, that usually intensifies the feeling. We may think that pushing something away means it will just leave and never come back. In not honoring how we feel, in not embracing our human experience as messy as it can be, that is when food comes in, addictions come in, digestive issues worsen, and stress increases. We have to own our emotions, own our situations, own our body just as it is to be able to love where we are at now, bringing our body into a relaxation response, to set up an internal atmosphere of relaxation for deeper healing to occur.

Is there anything in your life right now that you are pushing away? Are you having a hard time slowing down and listening to the deeper message within your symptoms? As difficult as it may feel, trust that your symptoms, your emotions, your weight, your relationship with food is all there for a beautiful reason and is perfect just as it is right now. It is all there to be the greatest teacher for you to cultivate the most beautiful insights and wisdom.

So how do we do this? How do we begin to embrace what is? Here are two suggestions:

1. Whenever you hear old harsh internal voices arise or old patterns show back up, begin to breath and start to name what is unequivocally true around you. Usually our thoughts are going over things from the past or anticipating what is to come for the future. When we begin to name what is true around us, like the sky is really blue today, I am wearing jeans, the leaves on the tree outside my window or bright green, you can begin to come back to your body and the present moment and that in that very exact moment nothing bad is actually occurring and that you may even find you are having a pleasant moment.

2. Name the thought or feeling. We get to approach everything with childlike curiosity. So when a thought passes by like a cloud in the sky, you can just name the thought, "O look that old thought is popping up again. Thanks thought for showing up. I wonder where this thought is asking me to go and explore how I am feeling today." There is so much softness and loving kindness in just approaching a thought not as a fact but as a fabrication of our own mind that we can explore how it got created in the first place. The same thing can happen with feelings. When you feel anxious or stressed and want to begin to push it away, actually welcome it in. "O my dear old friend anxiety, how are you today? Thank you so much for being here." In embracing your human experience, it suddenly makes emotions not something that is dangerous but in actuality they are your friends.

These two tricks can facilitate coming into the present moment with so much love and compassion that whatever is going on or whatever you are experiencing is just a part of your beautiful journey. Embrace it. Invite it all in. Have dinner with it. Own it. And then watch it all shift and change and transform into something else that supports you in stepping into your life more honestly and authentically.