What I learned in my 20s Lesson 2: Body Image is a State Of Mind

I have gained and lost 20-30 pounds at least 3 times in my life. The changes my body went through each time really had nothing to do with the food, it had nothing to do with my body, and the changes were more a reflection of how I was trying to process events in my life. When I felt good about my body this was more because of how I was processing my life and when I felt negative about my body this was also again how I was honoring and paying attention to my feelings.

Have you ever had the experience where you looked in the mirror in the morning and thought, "Damn I look great today!" and then as the day moved on and perhaps you got some bad news or you had a lot of work and a lot of stress arose and suddenly you looked in the mirror again and thought, "Ugh I wish I weighed 5 pounds less." Our body is actually exactly the same. It hasn't changed but what has changed is our connection and compassion toward ourselves and perhaps the heaviness we are feeling is not necessarily because of our body but because of how we are mentally processing external events.

I am guilty of having said in the past, "I feel so fat today." In my process of honoring and embracing my emotions and how deeply I feel things (which will come in another post) I realized that fat is not a feeling. Fat is something that is in our body that we need to be alive. Fat is something we eat. Fat is not a feeling. So when we hear these internal thoughts of I feel fat we get to take a pause, breath, and start to get curious around how we are actually feeling in the moment.

Perhaps we are feeling tired, mentally heavy, sad, frustrated, angry. In just the process of naming how we are feeling in the moment by stating out loud I feel fear, I feel tired, I feel stressed we embrace our human experience exactly the way that it is and we don't have to make our body the battle ground of fighting our emotions. We can separate how we are processing our life from our body image and that no matter what is happening day to day we are still wonderful and beautiful just as we are. When we create more internal space to foster compassion and kindness and self love toward our body then no matter what emotions arise or how we are processing our life we can still take care of our body and discover how we can even increase our level of self care in the moment.

I no longer reach for food when I feel stressed or anxious or sad or depressed. This is a process that took me throughout my 20s to re-learn how to honor my physical and emotional hungers. Give yourself so much compassion on this path. Every moment is a new moment where we get to begin again and to catch our internal thoughts and ask ourselves is this the most loving and nourishing this I could say to myself right now? If the answer is no then the power and choice is within you to re-shape those thoughts to ones that feel more loving to you just the way you are and that you are always doing the best you can to take care of you.

I'm sure you're seeing a lot of articles right now on how to eat less during the holiday season, what to fill your plate with to keep the pounds off, how to stay away from certain foods this Thanksgiving. I'm here to offer a very different piece of advice. Eat! Eat with pleasure! Eat everything and anything you want. Eat that pie. Eat the cake. Eat all the foods you have maybe been waiting to eat for an entire year.

When we restrict our food or tell ourselves that we can's have that piece of food that we want so badly we trigger a stress response in our body. Eating in a stress response shuts down our digestion and makes it more difficult for our body to assimilate and digest the food we are trying to eat. So you could be eating the healthiest foods on the planet this holiday season but if you are eating it in a stress response because what you really want is the gravy or the mashed potatoes or that piece of pumpkin pie then you actually won't be nourishing your body in the most optimal way which is probably your intention to begin with.

Now I'm sure some thoughts can perhaps arise of, "But if I eat that food I'm never ever going to stop eating!" When you hear these thoughts, I want you to slow down, close your eyes, and take three deep breaths, and invite in trust. Trust your body. Trust yourself that when you tune in to your body and what it is truly wanting to be fed that your desire for the food will diminish. A tidal wave does not keep getting bigger and bigger. Eventually all waves die down. So you can eat that piece of pie and then notice. Notice how it feels in your body. Notice the desire to eat another piece of pie and explore what would eating another piece give you? Explore the voice that wants more and more and see what it has to say, what does it have to teach you, if it had an age how old would that voice be? The more we deeply listen, the more those internal voices can soften because we are allowing them the space to be heard and acknowledged and seen and we get to embrace our human experience exactly the way that it is. You can invite all your emotions to the table. Invite in the fear, the excitement, the anxiety, and give them all a big hug for a being a grand messenger to remind you to be gentle with yourself.

Every eating experience we have is just an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. So instead of bringing in even more control over this holiday season, allow yourself to relax into the moment, and put whatever foods you want to eat on your plate. Fully enjoy them. Notice the tastes, the textures, notice what you love about that food, be fed by your surroundings and being around people you love or even just appreciate your own presence in the moment. When we eat in this way we bring our body into a relaxation response where the body can function optimally and digest any kind of food that you choose to nourish your body with.

I'm wishing you a holiday season filled with self compassion, acceptance, and kindness toward yourself no matter what you eat. I hope your plate is filled with pleasure, joy, and love!

Dealing with years of digestive pain, I definitely found tricks and tips of how to soothe an upset tummy. And while I am no longer in constant pain now, I find that when I want to feel adventurous or test out a food on my digestive tract, these tricks still come in handy.

So when you first feel a twinge of pain, ate too much, ate something you know your sensitive to but just couldn't resist (it happens!) here are some tricks you can try to bring your tummy back into balance.

1. Digestive Enzymes- I don't always suggest digestive enzymes as I have seen a lot of individuals dealing with digestive troubles begin to rely on them and get hooked on them. This leads the body to think that it doesn't have to work so hard producing digestive enzymes so getting off of them can be difficult if you're eating multiple at every meal. But, this handy supplement can support a troubled digestive tract for a short amount of time or an evening. When you find you have eaten a large amount of food or something just isn't sitting quite right, digestive enzymes can be an aid to boost your digestive power to break something down in your stomach that is having a hard time digesting.

2. Apple cider vinegar- ACV really just is a cure all for so many ailments. I have read so many articles recently on just how wonderful ACV truly is for our body. Often times, acid reflux or difficulties digesting a high protein meal can actually mean that you need more acid in your stomach to break down your food (not less, throw out those Tums!). Putting a 1 tsp-tbsp. of ACV diluted in a glass of water and sipping it before or after a meal can add some acid power to your stomach to help break down a meal and diminish any pain. You can even add a few drops of liquid stevia to it to make a refreshing drink. Yum!

3. Ginger- Ginger tea, ginger root, ginger capsules, ginger syrup. There are many ways to get your ginger in. Ginger stimulates the digestive system to produce more enzymes to facilitate digestion. It also helps stimulate more bile production, which can aid in making any digestive pain go away by increasing your ability to break down your food. When I travel abroad I take ginger capsules with me and they work fairly quickly in helping with a digestive woe. You can also make sure you have some ginger tea with you or if you're home break out some ginger root and start chewing. I would just suggest to stay away from ginger chews with the added sugar; the sugar takes away from the benefits of the ginger.

4. Deep breathing- Much of the time digestive pains can be due to trapped gas from possibly eating too fast. When I was going through the worst of my digestive troubles, you could often find me face down, lying on the carpet breathing into my belly. Deep belly breathing can begin to relax the muscles of your stomach switching your whole body into a relaxation response, which is what is needed to turn on digestion. When you're going through any kind of digestive upset, try to remember to breath through it. The added thoughts of "Ow, this hurts, I wish this would go away, why is this happening" causes the body to tighten even more which can in turn worsen the pain. Try lying on the ground, placing your hands on your belly, and just focusing on watching the rise and fall of your belly and feeling the support of the floor beneath you. This too shall pass.

5.  Activated Charcoal- Speaking of trapped gas....activated charcoal will be your little miracle worker. It will bind and absorb to any chemicals or gas or whatever it is that is upsetting your stomach thus diminishing the stress being put on your digestive tract and decreasing pain. Just make sure that if you're taking any medications to take this away from your medications as it will decrease the efficiency of your medications being absorbed as well. Its powerful stuff!

Just remember to add in some extra self love when you're going through any digestive pain. Loving yourself up through the process of learning what does and does not work for your body will help you to move forward from any digestive and eating experience with so much compassion and patience for your unique journey living in a body.

I would love to hear from you! What have you found has worked to help you when you're having a digestive upset?

I find more and more these days my clients are finding they are sensitive to the foods they are eating every day.

Eating the foods we are sensitive to can cause low grade inflammation in the body and cause all sorts of bodily and emotional distress.

Watch this episode of Gut Guru and learn about how you can spot and identify a food sensitivity without all sorts of medical or blood testing (which can sometimes miss the foods we are sensitive to anyways).

Have you discovered any food sensitivities? How did you learn from your body around what foods did not work for you? I would love to hear about your experience discovering and learning from the foods you have found simply don't digest well in your unique system!

I have taken Robin Williams death pretty hard.  I have definitely cried more than once.
I felt like I grew up with this man, that he was a part of my family, and brought my family together through his movies (I have seen Birdcage more times than I care to admit). Here is a man who brought so much joy to the world and who secretly struggled with bringing that same joy into his own life.  I relate to that on so many levels.

Part of being a counselor is about showing up. I have tried to show up more authentically in this past year in particular because I also hide behind a wall, a facade of put together, confident, happy, and thriving. When I was in Grad School in therapy, my therapist actually asked me to draw that wall.  What did it look like? What was it made out of?

To my surprise the wall I drew was made out of glass. She responded when I was done that it was interesting my wall was made out glass because then couldn't people see me? I hide yet I want to be seen. I want to see and observe life but I fear participating. I have dealt with depression most of my life. I have seen members in my family deal with depression most of their life. I have gone to the depths of my soul mucked around, lied on the carpet of my room in my mother's house for two weeks straight before, and I always come back .

I have experienced how depression takes you away from other people, it puts you in a tiny black box where perspective is hard to be seen. I am lucky enough to have a few close individuals and a mother who were always there for long phone calls, crying, and telling me it is time to get out of bed. I have had to come to terms that the hole of depression never really goes away. Some try to fill that hole with medication, some use supplements, or food, or drugs, but it is still always there.

As part of being a nutritional counselor, I know I can use my experience with depression as a strength. I can sit with my clients in the muck, in the dark, in the depth of their soul and see the beauty and wisdom that is there. I see often in my work how so many are tying to fill this void, this hole with food. It unfortunately can't be filled with food, trust me I have also tried.

I share my experience with depression and that it still hovers around me from time to time to connect with you my reader. You are not alone in your struggles. I believe so many, including myself, were shocked about Robin William's death because we just had no idea the struggles and the depth of depression he went through on a daily basis. I believe it was a triumph that he lived for as long as he could with a secret dark cloud hanging over his head and a smile on his face.

I may not know you, but I welcome anyone to reach out. I have always found the thing that brings me out of my own darkness and into the light is connecting with others and lifting our spirits together.

Sometimes when my digestion starts to act up, I have to take a look at the things I am telling myself internally and not necessarily the food I am eating.  When my internal critic speaks up (and sometimes it can be really loud), I know that my whole body goes into a stress response, my gut cramps, digestion shuts down, and my ability to digest food and my life diminishes.

Meals that I could digest fine when my thoughts are kind and peaceful are suddenly not assimilating as well.  Our body reacts and responds to the words and the statements we are creating internally.  So if we are telling ourselves harsh words, putting ourselves down, judging ourselves, we are digesting those thoughts and those words along with the food we are eating. 

Often I talk about what digests and assimilates well in terms of food, but for a moment think about how the word hate would digest in your body.  Or what about the word ugly.  How would the statement I am not good enough digest in your system?  I know that even as I am typing these specific words I can feel my body tense up. 

When we think loving thoughts, let go of expectations, and just show up as we are in the moment, our body will go into a relaxation response and your ability to assimilate your food and your experiences will increase.  I know that I have had moments where I made a conscious decision to shift my internal thoughts to ones of love and appreciation for myself and then heard my stomach gurgle.  I took that as a thank you from my gut.  Thank you for feeding me love, thank you for nourishing me with appreciation, thank you for these thoughts so I can do my job properly.

I would love to hear from you!  Have you noticed a difference in your body's ability to function when your thoughts are positive?  Have you experienced your digestion change when you under a lot of stress and thinking stressful thoughts? 

This was my very first episode of Gut Guru. 

In this episode I talk about cravings and how they are meant to be heard, they are meant to be listened to, and they typically have a message for you.

How do you typically approach your cravings?  What do you find yourself craving on a regular basis?

The Institute for Integrative Nutrition defines Primary Food as the type of nourishment that fills you up first.  This comes from healthy relationships, regular physical activity, a fulfilling career and a spiritual practice which can satisfy your hunger for life. "When primary food is balanced and satiated, your life feeds you, making what you eat secondary."

The Conscious Cleanse has a term called Soul Food where again how we are living our life can nourish us in a way that food can't and that often times when our soul is not being fed adequately that is when food can be used inappropriately.

This weekend my primary nourishment or soul food has been filled to the brim.  My mother came to visit.  I never wanted to move to the west coast and be so far away from most of my family, and especially her, but that was where my life was calling me.  So I only get to see her about twice a year, which we talked about this weekend how this needs to change because it is just too little.

I am literally fed by her presence, her laughter, our chats, our hugs, that food becomes secondary.  I eat when I am hungry and I stop when I am full.  Suddenly, when I am truly present and being nourished by my life and those around me, food has less power.  It becomes something that is needed to keep me going and keep my focus on getting back to feeling satiated by my life. 

Sometimes this is a concept I forget when things get super busy.  I can often lean on meal times as a crutch to feel some calm in a busy day.  So this weekend was a nice reminder that when the stress levels rise and things get hectic and busy, this is the time I need to reach out to my friends and family even more to talk, to laugh, to take walks, to decompress.  When we are filled up, satiated, nourished by our surroundings we feed ourselves the things that feel good and give us energy. 

So the next time you find yourself reaching again for a food that leaves you tired or drained or bloated or guilty try asking yourself what else could fill you up in that moment that has nothing to do with food.  Perhaps you need to take a bath, or call a friend, or put on music and dance wild around your apartment or house.  Create a list of these things and put them up on your fridge so that every time you go to reach for food you get the reminder to ask yourself what is it that you are truly craving/needing/desiring in that moment.  Are you truly hungry or are you grazing?  Do you need physical nourishment from food or are you looking to fill some emotional hunger?

No matter what you decide to do, this is all just information to use to empower you to make the best decisions for yourself.  And your primary nourishment or soul food list on your fridge can serve as another tool in which to remind yourself to connect back with you.

This week on Gut Guru we talk about Bio-individuality.  This term basically means: "There’s no one-size-fits-all diet – each person is a unique individual with highly individualized nutritional requirements. Personal differences in anatomy, metabolism, body composition and cell structure all influence your overall health and the foods that make you feel your best. That’s why no single way of eating works for everyone. The food that is perfect for your unique body, age, and lifestyle may make another person gain weight and feel lethargic."

Watch.  Enjoy.  Engage with the challenges and let me know how they go!