So my first year of Grad School I was mucking around in the deep dark depths of my soul. I was looking at pains and wounds I hadn't explored probably ever. There was a lot of crying and a lot of eating. I had never binged this much on food in my entire life. I was uncomfortable and it was unsettling. Here I was still calling myself a nutritional counselor and spending whole days just eating dates.
While being in that period of time felt like forever, I can look back on it now and feel grateful for that experience. I was using food as a tool to cope with emotions that just felt too big to manage. I was talking about situations from my past and deep wounds that I wasn't entirely sure how to sort through, process, assimilate, and digest. My binging was a way to protect myself. It was a way to feel grounded on earth, that I was still alive, and that these situations didn't eat me and swallow me whole. It was a way to fill myself up when I was exploring situations that left me feeling so empty.
The one thing I want to offer you that I could have done without during that time was the judgment. If you have ever binged or are currently struggling with binging it is not something that is bad, not something to be shamed, or ashamed about. It is a message from yourself to yourself. You can learn from these experiences with food and they can teach and reveal to you your own resiliency. Whatever your binging is trying to help you get through, it is actually a sign of your strength. You are getting through whatever difficult experiences that are happening. The situation and the binging will eventually subside (even if it has been years), I promise you.
Binging is a way to feel connected to yourself, to feel your aliveness. I recently heard Marc David, founder of IPE, say that binging has a lot of power to it. So you engaging in the act of binging can just be a misguided attempt to step into how powerful, resilient, and strong you are.
The lesson that my time with bingeing helped me to discover was to reach out and talk. So I will leave you with this the next time you are feeling the need or desire to binge on food, pick up the phone and talk to someone. Call your mom, your dad, a sibling, a friend, a significant other, whoever you want and talk about your emotions. You can talk about the fact that you want to binge but that is skirting the issue that some big emotions are coming up that feel like they have the power and are going to consume you.
Even if you have the binge, once it is over and you feel yourself coming back in to your body, still pick up the phone and call someone or take out a journal or a piece of paper and start writing. Find some way to connect back with what is coming up for you because even after the binge is over the emotions will probably still be there. And remember to send yourself so much loving kindness because you are just trying to do the best job you can taking care of you and, trust me, you are doing a pretty damn good job.