I am currently realizing how many expectations I set up at a very young age for how I thought life should go. Thoughts about how my life would be, my career, my love life...and I am continuously surprised these days how nothing is what I thought it would be. So often I have looked for explanations, guidance, a reference point externally instead of searching for answers internally. I find this is also a product of society and how often we compare ourselves to one another and obsess over what we don't have instead of what we do. Movies are created with dreamy love dramas and happy endings and thus sets us up to believe that this is how life truly is. Yet when we grow up and realize that it is not the case we continue to strive for this "ultimate" picture of life...the perfect love, career, body, family, etc. Why do we keep striving for something that is not attainable?
I don't know if there truly is an answer, but I like to ask the questions anyway. The more I have tried to strive for some form of perfection, the more I have squeezed myself into a black and white box. Let me tell you, it is really uncomfortable in there and very constricting. Now as I come into deeper relationship with myself as an individual and what I desire and want in my life, I now am slowly breaking out of this box. I thought that tearing my way out of this box would happen a lot faster than it has but I am seeing now that this is years of construction. I slowly built up one wall, then the other, I put decorations up, and made my black and white box very comfortable to live in. It has taken time to take down the art and see this box for what it truly was. It was a protective mechanism to keep me safe from hurt, from pain yet as time has moved forward the box and all my expectations have caused me more pain than happiness.
I have seen how this has affected me most profoundly through my food. As I truly believe our relationship with food is connected with everything else and as digestion has been a focus in my life, I have been able to explore my relationship with food and then extend that to the rest of my life. I have seen how many times I pop into my head thinking about what I "should" eat based off of my physical appearance, my activity level that day, my emotions and yet when I choose to eat a food from a head space it is never quite as satisfying when I eat from body awareness. When I let go of all the knowledge I have in my head around nutrition and listen very closely to what my body needs in that moment I find more inner peace and happiness because I am respecting myself as an individual with unique needs that change from day to day, moment to moment.
It is difficult to slow down and listen when everything and everyone around us is constantly telling us to speed up. Especially living in CO where people can't sit still, I find myself needing to spend time by myself a lot to remember that we tap into our strength when we allow ourselves to be soft. To slow down, get out of our expectations, and live life truly in the present moment is an aid to accept any emotions arising and act and react from a more authentic place within ourselves. How will you slow down today?
I don't know if there truly is an answer, but I like to ask the questions anyway. The more I have tried to strive for some form of perfection, the more I have squeezed myself into a black and white box. Let me tell you, it is really uncomfortable in there and very constricting. Now as I come into deeper relationship with myself as an individual and what I desire and want in my life, I now am slowly breaking out of this box. I thought that tearing my way out of this box would happen a lot faster than it has but I am seeing now that this is years of construction. I slowly built up one wall, then the other, I put decorations up, and made my black and white box very comfortable to live in. It has taken time to take down the art and see this box for what it truly was. It was a protective mechanism to keep me safe from hurt, from pain yet as time has moved forward the box and all my expectations have caused me more pain than happiness.
I have seen how this has affected me most profoundly through my food. As I truly believe our relationship with food is connected with everything else and as digestion has been a focus in my life, I have been able to explore my relationship with food and then extend that to the rest of my life. I have seen how many times I pop into my head thinking about what I "should" eat based off of my physical appearance, my activity level that day, my emotions and yet when I choose to eat a food from a head space it is never quite as satisfying when I eat from body awareness. When I let go of all the knowledge I have in my head around nutrition and listen very closely to what my body needs in that moment I find more inner peace and happiness because I am respecting myself as an individual with unique needs that change from day to day, moment to moment.
It is difficult to slow down and listen when everything and everyone around us is constantly telling us to speed up. Especially living in CO where people can't sit still, I find myself needing to spend time by myself a lot to remember that we tap into our strength when we allow ourselves to be soft. To slow down, get out of our expectations, and live life truly in the present moment is an aid to accept any emotions arising and act and react from a more authentic place within ourselves. How will you slow down today?
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